Disputes over custody can cause much bitterness between divorcing parents and it can be easy to lose sight of what’s really important. Recent changes to the Divorce Act have removed the word custody from the legislation. It now refers to “decision-making responsibility for the child(ren).
Parents who are separated, divorced, or were never together often need to form a parenting plan to raise their children. It’s one of the most critical documents you will ever put together, and it maps out the goals, attitudes, beliefs, and schedules you and your co-parent will abide by. Ideally, you and your child’s other parent will work together to create your own parenting plan when sharing custody.
Wake-up time, bedtime, bath time, mealtime, school time, homework time, playtime, screen time, doctor’s appointments, childcare, and more should all be outlined in the parenting agreement. These guidelines and parameters will help your child receive consistent parenting and undergo consistent routines in both homes.
Parents can create a parenting plan on their own, with lawyers or with an alternative dispute resolution professional. If you can’t agree on items within the parenting plan, you can work with a mediator or a family law lawyer to assist. If all else fails, you and your co-parent may have to go to court, and a judge will make the final decision.
Before you sign a parenting plan, it is recommended that you consult with a lawyer or family law legal adviser to ensure that you understand your legal rights and responsibilities. In some provinces and territories, having both parents sign the plan will make it into a legally binding agreement.
At Metelsky Law we offer compassionate representation focused on the best interest of the child(ren) and on protecting your rights. We can help you draft and negotiate a parenting plan that is best for your child(ren) and protects your rights.
A parenting plan should reflect the interests and the needs of your children. You should consider the age of your children and how the plan may change as your children grow. Your plan should have enough detail to provide clear expectations about the plan, yet, have enough flexibility to be realistic. Consider how well you’re able to work with the other parent when thinking about how specific your parenting plan should be.
What to consider including in a Parenting Plan
The following list identifies topics for you to consider when creating your parenting plan, and, can be used as a starting point to help guide your discussions.
At a minimum, your plan must cover the following.
- who can make decisions about your child’s education, religion, and non-emergency medical care
- how information about your child is shared
- when each of you spend time with your child
- how conflicts are resolved, for example, mediation or arbitration
- who your child lives with
- what happens if one of you wants to move to another place
- what are your child’s childcare arrangements
- how each of you communicate with your child while they are with the other parent, whether by telephone, email, skype, or text
- how changes to the schedule are made
- how holidays and other special days are spent
- who goes with your child on school trips
- what extra-curricular activities your child participates in and who takes them to the activity and back
- how visits with grandparents and other extended family members take place
- how your child’s travel and vacation plans are made
- how often you and your partner communicate with each other and how, for example, by telephone, email, or text
- the rules your child follows about their phone, computer time, homework, allowance, etc.
Decision-making Responsibility
Decision-making responsibility gives a parent the right to make choices about their child’s welfare, schooling and health, among other things. State whether parents will make major child-related decisions together or one parent will make all the major decisions.
Decision-making responsibility is the right to make major decisions about how to care for and raise your child. Decision-making responsibility used to be called custody.
Decision-making responsibility is not about who your child lives with or how much time your child spends with each of you. The time that a child spends in the care of a parent is called parenting time. Parenting time used to be called access for the parent who didn’t have any decision-making responsibility. Now, all parents usually have parenting time.
For example, even if you have the right to make all the decisions about your child, your child might spend equal amounts of time with you and your partner. Or, your child might live mainly with you, but you and your partner share decision-making responsibility.
The parent with decision-making responsibility has the right to make important decisions about:
- education
- medical care
- religion
- important extra-curricular activities
Decision-making responsibility can be divided in a few ways:
- one parent has all the decision-making responsibility,
- 2 or more parents have decision-making responsibility, or
- different parents are responsible for different areas. For example, one parent makes decisions about the child’s health and another parent makes decisions about the child’s religion.
It’s important to know the different types of decision-making responsibility for separated parents.
Sole decision-making means that the parent with whom the child resides primarily makes all important decisions for the child such as medical, education and all other important decisions relating to the child’s welfare.
Joint decision-making is possible when both parents can work together successfully to make important decisions in the best interest of the child(ren).
Split decision-making means that one parent makes the decisions on an important issue, for example, medical decisions and the other parent makes the decisions on other important issues such as education.
Parenting Time and Residence
Parenting time gives a parent the right to spend time with their child. When will each of you have time with your children? This includes overnight stays, day-to-day routines, extracurricular activities, vacations, holidays, and special occasions. How will childcare arrangements work if you are both employed? Deciding on these factors and including them in the parenting agreement is crucial.
With shared parenting time, each parent has the child in their care for at least 40 percent of the year. With majority parenting time, which is rare, one parent cares for the child for more than 60 percent of the year and is usually referred to as the child’s primary residence.
Once you choose one of these parenting time arrangements, write out a schedule. You can have a fixed parenting schedule or just state one broadly. A fixed schedule is highly recommended because it helps prevent confusion and disagreement. It should cover holidays and school breaks in addition to regular days.
Also, specify the child’s primary residence. If you have shared parenting time, you may choose to instead say that the child has shared residence, living in each home for near equal time. Residence can affect things like where the child may enroll in school.
Drop-off and pick-up schedules
How will drop-off and pick-up routines work if you and your co-parent share custody? Where will they occur? What will happen if there is a change in the schedule? You and your co-parent should discuss guidelines for these situations when forming the parenting plan.
Sharing information about the child
A parent who has parenting time also has the right to get information about their child’s health, education and welfare (though they might not have the right to make decisions about those things).
You should specify how you’ll exchange this information with the other parent. Will calling and texting be allowed? Will you communicate through a parenting app?
Personal information
Include the names of each parent and child. You might want to put contact information like addresses. If your case involves domestic violence, you can just include a general description of locations.
Communication with the child
Specify how parents will get in touch with the child during the other parent’s time. You may want to put limits on how often or at what times the contact can happen.
Resolving disagreements
If you’re going to share decision-making responsibility, figure out what you’ll do when you’re at odds over a child-related decision. This could mean consulting with a dispute resolution professional like a mediator or a mutual friend.
Counselling
Separation is hard on parents and kids. State whether you or your child will attend counselling to help make the transition a little easier.
Relationships with other people
Extended family can play an important role in your child’s upbringing. State whether you’ll allow grandparents, aunts, uncles and family friends to be regular parts of your child’s life. You can also specify whom you don’t want having contact with your child.
Dietary restrictions
Specify the child’s food allergies and whether they should follow a special diet.
Right of first refusal
What will happen when one parent needs someone to look after the child for a significant amount of time? Stipulate whether they must ask the other parent to watch the child first.
Travel
Include terms for how parents will handle taking the child outside of the province. This could cover how much advance notice parents must give, restrictions on how far they can travel and who will be in charge of getting the child a passport.
Transportation
Make it clear how the child will travel between each parent’s home, to school and anywhere else they need to go. Can anyone besides parents transport the kid? Must the child use a safety seat? Will they ride the school bus?
Financial responsibilities
How are financial duties divided? Are you and your co-parent both financially capable of caring for the children? Will child support be required? Who will claim the children on their taxes? How are school expenses, medical expenses, and costs for everyday needs such as food, shelter, and clothing going to be handled?
Medical care
Who is responsible for making routine doctor and dentist appointments? How should medical emergencies be handled? Who is responsible for providing health insurance for the children? All these considerations should be taken into account when forming the parenting agreement.
Education
Where will your child attend school? Who will participate in parent-teacher conferences and open houses? How will you share school report cards and other essential documents with your co-parent?
Communication
How will you and your co-parent communicate with one another? How will you share the children’s schedules and notify one another about important events in the children’s lives? Where will important documents like birth certificates, insurance cards, and social security cards be kept? These should all be laid out in the parenting agreement.
What happens if a parent is relocated for their job or wants to move because they eventually remarry? What if one parent wants to take an extended vacation with the kids? Putting some guidelines into the parenting plan regarding these matters can help you and your co-parent avoid conflict down the road.
Amendments
No parenting plan will last forever, no matter how many issues you try to handle ahead of time. How will you make amendments to the parenting plan as the children get older and situations change? If you have disagreements about the parenting plan, how will you resolve them?
Family violence
If there has been family violence or abuse in your relationship, some of the information contained here may not be appropriate in your situation. In that instance, you may need legal advice and protection.